Off-Road Scenic

OK, so I’ve moaned about my car just a few times.  But today I discovered that it’s not shabby at all at off-roading…

It was a typical morning in my little Zoo: Maxi and Midi Minxes were pushing boiled eggs about their plates sleepily, The Boss was pacing the floor waiting on his lift to work and I was chasing a gallon of strong coffee down with more strong coffee.  When it got to 0800hrs I suggested The Boss call his friend.

“Oh” he says, peering at his mobile like he doesn’t know which way up to hold it, “F’s left a message: she’s ill”

I paused long enough to sigh, then barked orders.  Maxi was to eat her egg, put her shoes on and wipe her face; Midi was to drink her milk, put her shoes on and stop poking the cat; The Boss was to wake Mini Minx and dress all 3; I’d pack a breakfast for Mini, find clothes for all 3 and myself and load the car.

I think we were all in the car ready to go within 14 minutes.  We’d have done it faster if Mini hadn’t had such a plaster of a nappy (a real 6-wipes-to-clean effort) and Midi hadn’t insisted on wearing red pants under a white stripey dress.

So, 40 mins of speedy-but-safe driving down back roads and rat runs later, and The Boss was safely in work, just half an hour late.  Now for the 50 min drive to nursery…

It was going absolutely fine until we got to the turn-off from the main road, about a mile to go.  I could see the police car and the car-wreck transporter truck blocking the road ahead.  I could also see that the only cars coming towards me were ones who’d 3-pted and turned around.  Hell.  Mini’s intermittent ‘I’m hungry and a beaker of milk just won’t cut it, Mother’ wails were getting steadier – I was on my final warning.  Double-hell.  So I pulled a neat wee 3 pt turn and nipped along to a rat-run I knew.

So did half the county.  No-one was bothering with passing places and were just belligerently driving on.  I decided to be a sheep and do what everyone else was doing, so became quickly acquainted with the Renault Grand Scenic’s remarkable and surprising ability to off-road on soggy verges without losing much speed (30mph…I’m not mental).  That was all fine, till I came to the half mile stretch with high, high verges and no passing places.  And came head-to-head with a big minibus.  I had 5 cars up my bum and he had a van and a car up his.  We tried to manouevre round, but both bottled it.  His lady passenger smiled at me but got angry and screechy and hand-flaily with him.  I guess the general gist of her argument to the driver was ‘We’re not reversing – she can!’  I pointed to the cars and the nearest turn off behind me 1/4 mile in the distance, whereas there was a house and driveway 50 yards behind him.  The passenger came out to talk to me, but soon backed off at the sound of 3 little girls wailing and crying.  Wimp!  She insisted the house behind them didn’t have a clear drive.  The cars behind me started to reverse first.  I smiled, gritted my teeth, hit reverse and managed a surprising 0.25 mile reverse at speed and neat turn into a little driveway with high walls.  (If only I’d managed fluke reverse skills like that in my first failed driving test…).  Minibus Man blew me kisses as he sped past, his passenger waved.  I nipped out and back along the road and cursed them both at the sight of the big empty driveway whose existence they’d denied…

On the bright side, the girls raced into nursery only an hour late shouting, “Mummy drove through the jungle!  She’s a proper explorer!” (well, the grass was quite long…) And Mini got fed with my stash of baby rusks and a banana the minute we stopped.

1 thought on “Off-Road Scenic

  1. Pingback: The Renault Nightmare continues | Machholz's Blog

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